This is Lawrence, trying to find himself.

my last entry. It was stupid and out of anger. Its times like this when I feel left out and under the bus.

So today, I texted Mel saying Ill come over around three. She said, "No thats not school time,  your mom didnt let you, you didnt tell her and you didnt come out to your dad." What the fuck? All of those are not the truth. So I told her the truth and that i had a minimum day, my mom said I could go to mels and I actually did come out to my dad. So I got in trouble for "lying" when I didnt, and got into even more trouble when I told the truth. But its ok, i dont care. So off to a better topic its jesses 18th birthday tommorow! Its gonna be so fun! And fucken allergy's hit me so hard today, I had to walk through a fucken field and ive been sneezing ever since, its really hard to keep my eyes open. I fucken hate allergys, at least i got some cigarettes lol. :P

Oh and Im on my man-period, anyone wanna buy me some chocolate?

Okay, where to start?
I haven't posted a journal in like 6 months.
Let me update :P

Friends:
Ok, well I discovered who my best friend in life was, her name is Kaylin. She is more amazing then anyone could understand or see. She doesnt see the potential she has in her but I do. I hope she discovers it soon. I love how we go to eachother when we have problems, how we bond over the sillyist things, how we have the best time everytime we hangout. We always find something quirky and exciting to do. 

Garage Kids,
The garage kids consist of Mel (she owns the garage), Kayla (her GF), Keton (Mels Brother), Kaylin, Kristy (Mels Bestfriend), Caitlin, Me, Jesse (Sometimes, and hes my Boyfriend). So basically what we do, is we stay in this garage, chain-smoke, play cards, play video games, and talk into the wee hours of the night. I cant even count how many times Ive been there lol. But ive always been insecure whenever i go over... It may not look like it, but i have the biggest fear of rejection ever. I constantly think of ways not to put myself out there, and I just wish I could fit in, but it seems to me like im getting no where.. I asked Mel for her new number, and she didnt even respond to my message.. whatever its cool I dont blame her. I probably just annoy her with my crap anyways..

Family:
Ok, so recently my mom has been wondering if im gay or not, so i finally came out thinking i can trust her, i couldnt because she told my whole family, except my ddad and im supposed to tell him by fucken saturday. Must I repeat what happened last time when i said i was bi? Oh he fucken grounded me and yelled at me nonstop and took away all my shit, for being bi? I dont even want to know what gay is gonna be like. whatever. 

Relationships:
So I have this amazing boyfriend.. His name is Jesse, I love him so much. He is my first love, and he is really special to me.. Hes hella hottt! lmao. WellI hope I dont screw this up. Because we had problems before.. Big problems, and its not good. Im just so glad were togethor.

Well Ill write more later. 
 

I have just been caught for smoking weed, cigarettes, and taking vicoden. My parents are pissed, my dad is so mad he cant even look at me. Im such a fuck up. I wasnt raised like this. I should be the good kid, who gets A's and B's. Whats wrong with me? Im too smart to be doing all this retarded shit. 

I've also been feeling really lonely. I really need to lose like 50 pounds, so then people will start to actually like me. For christmas my mom is hiring a personal trainer for me. (lol). What a bitch. But I wasn't even mad, I REALLY want a personal trainer. Watch out guys, once I lose weight ima be such a stud.  Haha.

I kid I kid.

Eh.
Basically thats it.

OH.

I've been thinking. And I've come to the conclusion that Blue October is one of the best bands EVER. Seriously, they're songs are SO powerful. One even made me cry in class. And before that, all I would listen to is Hate Me (Listen to it, Its REALLY good.) I can really relate to that song. Its strong and emotional. Yeah.

Thanks.

-Lawrence